So here I am, standing in the rain

So here I am, standing in the rain and thinking about what life will be with her. Looking down at the hole they digged up to out her in. Everyone around me, crying. I’m just standing there numb and cold. My husband hugs me and I don’t feel anything. I wish it was her standing beside me, not in a casket. The rain is making everything look worse. The trees branches are moving side to side like if they saying goodbye. They are truly just taking in the rain. I'm just taking in the death of my sister. I looked at my mom, I know it's probably worst for her. Your daughter dying before you. I can’t imagine what it’s like to lose a daughter but I know what is like to lose a sister. I never picture I would know the pain. But I guess that‘s the thing about pain. You don’t see it coming; you can’t, you’re not supposed to. Because what would you do? What would

You do if you had a choice of the pain that you recieve. As the rain falls down, it makes me remember the things that i didn't decide for myself. THe things that happened without my acknowledgement nor my decision for the outcome. Wishing that things had turned out differently. But that’s the thing, they never turn out differently, they always turn out the way they turn out. Sometimes, though, you never know. And then, next thing you know, nothing changes. But that’s the way things are and always have been. Of course, there’s always a new day.

But a new day is actually just the night. That’s when the raccoons come out to tell you the truth, which is all the stuff the day covers up because the sun is all in your face and shit. A new day/night happens and you know it because suddenly you start to get a chill in your bones. You start fiending for weed. You text your guy and he doesn’t respond and soon you get the Velvet Underground’s “Heroin” stuck in your head. The part when the blood begins to rush in your veins except you can’t quite live vicariously through Lou Reed’s voice, expression, the music at all. There’s a wall between you and his life, it makes you feel isolated and like you’ll never be as cool as him, therefore you’ll never amount to anything. Okay, I really need that weed now. And a birthday cake with pink icing on it

Now you know the night is happening

Yo deadass i'm still pissed off about Phil like why are you thinking about being seventy no one wants to be seventy. But then i shit myself so bad that i actually vomit all over my date which happens to be a horse. Don’t get me wrong she's really pretty with her long hair and lustrous tail. She looks almost like a majestic unicorn. I think i'm the luckiest guy ever to ever to be on a date with unicorn . The unicorn was half human half unicorn. It was a pink colored unicorn, The unicorn had a sword instead of the regular horn on this had. I’m like is this guy horny or what? But everybody or anybody would avoid looking at me. Wow Im fucking stupid. Why couldnt i be normal like everyone else and have a horn. So i can turn this pleasure into fireworks. Light up the sky as he’s lighting me up. Boom! Boom! They are going off in the sku. Isn't that beautiful? All the colors,

The patterns that are seen while it hits the ground. It’s truly breathtaking. Never thought i would feel such emotions. Crazy how simple things impact you. Why would they take my Taki’s. It’s such a simple source of happiness. They could’ve taken anything else, but instead they held their water guns to my head and snatched the bag from my hands.